BANANA PEOPLE

Just a few days ago, I went to buy bread from a Chinese sundry shop in Tanjong Bungah. The towkei of the shop packed the bread for me and said, "Yi kuai Jiu!" and I had to turn to my friend, "What ah? How much ah?" Feeling very pai seh, my friend replied, "He said RM1.90 la.."

The towkei was slightly amused and wondered where I'm from since I can't understand Chinese (Mandarin). My friend then explained to him that I am from Ipoh and English educated (cheh wah, like very gaya like that) and can't read or write Chinese. The kindly old towkei nodded and smiled understandingly.

Not wanting to appear as un-chinese as I have already seemed to him, I said, "Ngo sek gong guongdong wah lah!" (I can speak Cantonese). "Ngo sek gong siu siu wah yi tan hai ng sek gong fu kin wah. Soh yu tau sin ngo ng meng pak lei gong mee yeah loh." (I know a little mandarin but do not know any Hokkien. That is why I did not understand what you said just now).

The towkei looked at me blankly. His 13 year old son replied for his father, "Ngo ah pa ng sek gong guongdong wah geh. Tan hai hui tau sin hai gong gan wah yi, ng hai fu kin wah," (My father doesn’t speak Cantonese. But he was speaking mandarin just now, not hokkien.).

The little boy then gave me a disgusted look, clearly wondering what kind of Chinese species I am if I don't even know mandarin. I was so peeved!!

I was looked down upon! Discriminated by my own race!
Maybe it's time to form another race of my own: Bananas.

For those who do not know, Banana is a term given to Chinese people who cannot speak Mandarin. Just like a banana, they are yellow on the outside but white on the inside. We originate from a bunch of Chinese people whose parents sent them to English schools set up by the British and most of the time, for the past three generations, not a single family member would know how to write Chinese. Most of the bananas' greatest command of Chinese would be the Hokkien and Cantonese vulgarities though.

Banana people (xiang jiao ren/kung chiu yan) have adopted Manglish as their traditional language (Just like Pua Chu Kang with his Singlish). Majority of the bananas can speak their own dialect but they can not read or write Chinese. Bananas celebrate Christmas (we like presents!) and Chinese new year (money is always good). Now, this has nothing to do with religion but we just like to celebrate for the slightest reasons.

Banana people shake their heads at other Chinese with extremely bad grammar. "May I friendster you?" makes banana girls want to drive a stake through the skulls of those lala chais. Perhaps banana people may be a little egoistical in the sense that they think just because they are westernized and are more proficient in English means they are better educated. I used to hold true to that belief but I have changed my views as I have come to realize the extreme difference between two types of Chinese educated Chinese.

Most of the top students in Malaysia are those from Chinese schools. They can get the highest grades and scare you with their studious attitude.(read: nerd.) Of course I respect them, I need to copy their notes. These top students are also one of the more creative people around and perhaps it's the chinese school upbringing, they are usually very talented.